The Hijab: my battle

Hi🤍, this is my story:

It all started because I wanted to be like my mother (who carried him). I looked at how good it looked on her and ABOVE ALL I looked at how she loved it. I don't know if you've ever noticed it, but when you see that a person loves something immensely, you begin to perceive their love and, sometimes, that something begins to transmit Beauty and Purity to you too (which I write with a capital letter to highlight the strong meaning that these words take on in my context). So, as a child I looked for every possible excuse to wear it and go out wearing the veil like her, but obviously she wouldn't let me because I was too young.

Then, at the age of thirteen, I got my period and I knew very well what it meant: imagine, compared to most of my peers, I was very happy about this because I knew that I would finally be able to wear the hijab . And so it was, with some difficulty at the beginning: my mother wanted me to wait a little longer, because she knew very well that I didn't fully understand its meaning. She was simply afraid that if I had worn it without awareness, that "veil", which I liked so much, would one day no longer suit me, given that I wanted to wear it to emulate her and for aesthetic reasons: that is, you understand that the motivation was incredibly futile. I still remember how it went, my mother said: "Look, if you put it on and take it off at will it's worse and you only show little seriousness. So, wait a little longer before putting it on". I was completely convinced and told her:

"No, I'll put it on and never take it off again! And then, if you don't let me put it on, you're wrong, understand?!??!!!!".

In short, now we laugh about this funny answer, but that day I said it with great conviction and also with a lot of anger. So, I finally put on the veil and spent the whole summer with it, very happy!

But, the story doesn't end there, because little by little the start of school began to approach and none of my classmates knew about my decision (at least that's what I thought, because I had published a photo on Instagram with the hijab, which they obviously they had seen and, therefore, inevitably they had understood. But, in my head, they didn't know why I thought the photo was too "blurry" to understand it or even that they might have thought that I had put it just for the photo), and not even the teachers knew, so I started to feel a little anxious and maybe even a little excited , because the event and the doubt of the reaction moved me too much. Anxiety and a whole mix of emotions that increased as the first day of school approached.

This day arrived, and that morning I was shaking with excitement ; my mother obviously accompanied me and tried to encourage me, telling me "You are perfect just the way you are and everything will be fine, you know them and they know you, don't be afraid🤍".

At the gate we parted ways and I headed towards my friends, with my heart pounding (I was kind of in tachycardia), and there I saw them, they immediately came to me and told me

"I KNEW YOU WOULD PUT IT, I SAW THE PHOTO ON INSTAGRAM"

or

"YOU KNOW THAT WITH THE VEIL YOU LOOK A LOT LIKE YOUR MOM",

They also gave me a compliment "IT LOOKS LIKE YOU SAI🤍" and I really calmed down a lot . Then we went towards the gate and I saw my mother (together with a friend of hers), smiling at me and waving. However, we had to enter the classroom and there the anxiety began again (because the others hadn't seen me yet) and, therefore, I decided to enter last, but as soon as my teacher saw me she said with a smile "Come on dear, come in🤍" , and this sweet smile not only warmed my heart, but also relaxed me. And then I spent the rest of the day in complete tranquility, because I realized that, in fact,

With or without the veil, absolutely nothing had changed, I was still the same and it was like that for them too.

Now, honestly, I don't give a damn what people think about it (because we live in a society that judges you for every choice you make , especially if a woman makes certain choices ), but at that age I was more sensitive about these social issues and, therefore, as the start of school approached, I was feeling a bit paranoid.

Once I returned home I was very happy and told everything to my mother, who had already understood everything when she saw me very calm at the gate, among my friends. Then jokingly he added:

“You know I thought you were going to take it out behind some car, given all the anxiety you had.”

This really made me laugh, as well as making me feel really "hard" for not having done it, because I was really anxious hahah.

Then dad called me (who wasn't at home in those days) to find out how it had gone and I told him everything (from his voice I guessed he was very happy for me). My father never influenced my decision , I only remember that my mother (the day I definitely wanted to wear the veil) went to his room and told him and he only responded with a simple "Okay" . When he saw me leaving the house in the hijab, he just gave me a kiss on the forehead and said "MashAllah".

The veil therefore began to be part of me, it delimited my person in every way; consequently, it became vital for me to understand its meaning , I wanted to savor not only its aesthetics (which I am still in love with), but also its content, which is the most important thing (what my mother wanted me to understand since start). Plus, I was constantly asked questions and I always wanted to give the best answer ever (so that they could feel the love I felt, just like I felt mom's when I was little).

I also realized, however, that sometimes it is not enough to say "I only do it for God", because not everyone can understand this very special connection (particularly if you are an atheist) and, consequently, I began to read more and more. ; I discovered that behind the hijab, (despite the fact that for some it is just a piece of cloth) there is more than one motivation, but, after all, if God himself chose it for us women, then it can only be the best clothing possible. When you also understand its depth, its meaning, it becomes the most beautiful part of you, sort of

"This is part of me or rather THIS IS WHAT I AM".🤍

To all the girls who want to wear the veil I just say not to care about other people's judgment, because, as I also wrote above, nothing will ever suit people. We must stop trying to make ourselves perfect in the eyes of others, because "others" are like us, people with infinite fragility, with infinite ideas and infinite ways of thinking. You can't spend your life pleasing everyone.

We must, instead , try to aim higher, to make the one who created us happy, because he is the only one who will never abandon us, for better or for worse. And, I assure you that by doing so, we will also please ourselves.

For those who want to but can't for various reasons, I only say that we need to be patient and that Allah knows what is in our hearts.

Do you want to get in touch with this girl? You can contact her on Instagram →Belkxisa

The photo attached to this story is abstract and does not represent the author of the story.