Samela, the courage of faith

Assalamu Alekum ve rahmetullahi ve berekatuhu.

My name is Samela and I placed my crown on December 7, 2019 in the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi

against my husband's wishes.

even if at first my Italian friends didn't believe me. As we know, they have the wrong image of Islam and thought that he had forced me, but instead I had a lot of problems with him about it.

After so many years that I spent observing and admiring women with veils , and with so many fears that I had, that day I put on the veil to enter the mosque and all the time I was crying from happiness and fear at the same time.

I have always been afraid of dying before putting on the veil and thus being late, and therefore I always prayed to Allah not to take my soul before He is happy with me and my actions. I was Muslim but no one knew it and this made me feel even worse, but now I am proud when I walk because it is inevitable to understand it, alhamdulillah.

I gave birth to my first child in 2014 and my thoughts changed for the better, alhamdulillah. I began to think about my child's future, what he will see from me, what he will learn if I didn't even know how to pray. My mother didn't know how to pray and, unfortunately, in the country where I come from it wasn't good for a woman to go to the mosque, because there were men and there was no one who could teach her. Luckily now everything has changed and women have more possibilities and know their rights better . My mother had faith in Allah and she taught us that, to believe only in Allah and to follow good and truth no matter what the cost and to resist tests, otherwise we have to answer before the Creator.

First I asked everyone I know to teach me how to pray, but they all said two or three words and nothing that helped me understand. So I decided to search on my own on the internet and little by little I began to pray, first only fajr, then dhuhr and so on. Little by little, alhamdulillah, I learned everything, even though it was very difficult for me, unfortunately also because after giving birth I developed postpartum anxiety, and this too was new for me and unmanageable. I would get attacks that were too strong and would make me fall where I was, especially in the kitchen and in the heat. I couldn't stand the heat , I almost fainted, and that's why I was afraid to put on the veil , because if I couldn't keep it on, I had to take it off and I was afraid, unfortunately, of the judgment of the people of our country. No one would have thought that I would try, but they would have talked about how I don't take Islam and the hijab seriously and so I was always putting off my biggest dream .

In November 2019, my husband went to Dubai for work and also brought me and our son. There I felt liberated. Freed from glances, freed from the weight of judgement. Everywhere I turned there were mosques and people I seemed to know. They were all friends, and this is the heart of Islam: we are all brothers and sisters. There was safety everywhere you turned, it wasn't dangerous to walk down the street alone, even after midnight, in fear of someone doing something bad to you. And this is Islam, this is our beautiful religion that does not allow injustice towards us women . So I decided to try wearing the veil there. There was no one to judge me if I didn't succeed, if the damn anxiety won, at least I knew I tried and it remained between me and Allah.

But on December 7, 2019 I put on the veil at the entrance to the mosque and

when I went out I couldn't take it off anymore.

Something inside me had stopped and my hands didn't go to my head, I just kept crying.

At first my husband thought that it was just my desire to wear the veil for the day or at least while we were there and that then when I returned to Italy I would take it off. We argued that night and he didn't talk to me for a week. Instead of being happy for me, he tried to convince me that I should listen to him because he is my husband . But I told him that alhamdulillah I finally conquered my fears and now I feel calmer and happier for having obeyed Allah. And that if he wanted he could divorce me if there was something he didn't like with me, but what

the veil is my choice, because the word of Allah comes first, then the husband. But I would never take off my veil again.

Because even his parents are not practitioners and his mother still continues to tell him that they are modern and that if it were up to her I shouldn't wear the veil. And all this makes things even more difficult for me.

But I resisted and he slowly got used to the veil.

The khimar, which is my biggest dream. I prefer long dresses and abayes, but he also insists on more modern clothing. So for now I wait and pray to Allah to guide him on the right path and so one day he will be happy with my decisions.

Pray for me too, sisters, that for my family the first thing is Din and Islam. I also pray for all of you and for all the ummah. Insh'Allah may Allah forgive us and be pleased with us all.